A Year of Dating Myself

Since I can remember I have always been in a relationship. I honestly even recall having a boyfriend in kindergarten, when I was FIVE years old. In high school I had a serious relationship, lasting two years, which felt like a lifetime in the teen era. I married my college sweetheart, we were together for fourteen years, taking up the majority of my adult life. Four days after my divorce was finalized, I met my next relationship, someone I went on to date for two more years. Meaning from age 16-34 I was almost constantly in a monogamous relationship, devoted to someone else.

Exactly a year ago (2/26/25), I set off on my own. I drove my wrangler, my dog, and my most prized possessions off down my own path, into my very own adventure. An adventure consisting of aloneness, self-discovery, and a whole lot of love.

Driving along the Extraterrestrial Highway, I was immensely heartbroken. Not quite understanding why things were going this way, I leaned into faith, trust, and an inner knowing that this would all make sense one day. Realizing that I had never truly been single, especially as an adult, I wanted to make a commitment to myself that I’d focus on myself, healing my traumas, and changing the parts of me that needed to be addressed in order to avoid this type of heartbreak in the future. My intuition told me that if I just jumped into yet another relationship, nothing within me would change, and therefore I would just be rinsing & repeating every relationship I’d ever experienced — filled with criticism, co-dependency, the hopes of changing my partner, and fears of speaking my truth and standing in my sovereignty.

By the time the spring equinox rolled around, about three weeks after the break-up, I decided to do something new and scary: I decided to date myself. Exactly what this meant, I wasn't quite sure, but I knew it would benefit my growth if I promised myself that I would fully commit to a relationship with myself. For the first time in my life, I was learning how to do things on my own AND enjoying it! Like a little child, I was re-learning how I liked to navigate the world. I reconnected with hobbies I enjoy, cooked foods I love to eat, hiked the way I like to hike, and navigated the world the way I prefer (with a pen and paper!). Doing things by myself got easier and easier as I truly figured out what and how I liked to do things and began to truly enjoy my own company. For the first time in my life, I was enough. I rediscovered myself. 

My birthday is on May 3, and I decided it was a unique opportunity to celebrate my solar return with only my favorite person, just her and I. I planned an amazing day for us! A long hike near Mt. Hood, cooking a delicious meal consisting of my favorite foods, a homemade chocolate lava cake, and a birthday song with myself in the mirror. I purposefully made sure we didn’t see another human, and besides the few phone calls with family and select friends, I enjoyed solely my own company to celebrate my birth. This was so unlike older versions of me, those various birthdays where I needed a huge gathering of people, a big event to celebrate, lots of attention, and massive amounts of dessert. It was a birthday I’ll never forget, and was made so special by my own company.

The summer solstice came and I kept getting this overwhelming message from Spirit to entirely commit to my relationship with self. This meant being fully monogamous, no chasing men, and completely owning my celibacy. This was slightly different from where I was at in the Spring. Suddenly, I had clear language about what I wanted and how I needed my external relationships to be. This came as a bit of a shock to some of the men that I had been talking to and flirting with. But like a good partner, I was open and honest with others that I loved my primary partner most (ME!), enough to respect our commitment, to not lead anyone on when there wasn’t a chance in hell they’d come between me and myself. This season, I leaned into my aloneness more than ever as I had the chance to live completely alone for an extended period of time. There were times of intense pain and sorrow, when I had to deeply consider my wounds. Why did I need external validation? Why did I need someone else to make me feel desirable? Why wasn’t I enough as is?

The Fall equinox rolled around, and there was a small voice inside saying “I’m ready for a relationship!” But my inner Goddess knew what was best for me. Deciphering between what my ego needs and wants versus what my eternal listener and ever-observer knows is a skill I needed to develop and will likely continue to develop for the rest of my human experience. While I enjoyed flirting and deepening my friendships and platonic connections with men, I knew deep in my heart that I still deserved and yearned to give myself my full attention. That I still craved my own self, still had more to learn and more to discover about myself. There was still more love to build between my own mind, body, and soul. So, I semi-begrudgingly took another devotion to myself for ONE MORE SEASON.

Somewhere between the fall equinox and winter solstice, I started seeing a spiritual mentor through the Center for Spiritual Living, an incredible global network of centers. She helps me navigate these personal and spiritual growth spurts. I had filled her in on my vow to myself and how important it was for me to continue to develop this profound self-love, strengthening my own relationship to self. We’re incredibly open and honest with each other, so I also felt it was important to relay how much I missed being held, caressed, and taken care of sexually. She simply asked me, “have you tried fucking yourself???” To which I knocked my head back cracking up, “well of course I've been doing that!” In that moment, she helped remind me that I don’t NEED anyone else for anything. I can show up for myself in literally every single facet of life. When I miss being held, I hold myself. When I miss being caressed, I caress myself. When I miss sex, I fuck myself. And the empowerment that comes with this deep knowing and understanding that I am all I need is INSANE!

So, by the time the winter solstice rolled around, I figured “what the hell…. One more season and I’ll have made it a full year!” Let’s give us another three months! That’s how I have officially made it an entire year solely dating myself. And it feels so good! Here are some of my favorite parts about claiming a year as being my own primary relationship:

• Very quickly, it revealed which men were open and willing to develop a friendship, and which men only wanted something physical in the short-term.

• The clarity in the language I used explaining this "year of dating me" to others demonstrated to myself that I am my own priority, drastically increasing my sense of worth. I proved to myself that I am worth more than anyone else.

• Deep down in my soul, I now know that I am enough, that I can be perfectly and immensely happy with only my own company.

• I am my favorite partner, lover, friend, companion, and person in this entire world. And no one will ever come between me and myself! 

Just recently, my exceptional, fantastic, and AMAZING partner and I celebrated Valentine's Day. I bought a homemade card to remind myself “you and me baby, go hand in hand.” I wrote myself an incredibly thoughtful and kind letter, and then purchased my favorite dark chocolate in a heart-shaped box. I gifted myself this beautiful, loving, and perfect gift a few days after Valentine’s Day (I had to take advantage of the post-holiday sale!). Reading the card floored me. I know I wrote it, but reading my own words several days after writing them blew me away. I truthfully don’t think I’ve ever received such a gratifying card full of so much love. Celebrating holidays with me is the best!

When I am ready to enter into my next relationship, whether that’s a brief sexual encounter or a long-term partnership, I KNOW that I am showing up as a more whole version of me. The time I’ve committed to myself, this year of celibacy, this time of dating myself, completely amplified my sense of who I am and what I know I deserve. I feel transformed into a Goddess-like version of myself, and there is still so much room for growth.

If you struggle with co-dependency, need external validation, or feel like you don’t really know who you are, I highly suggest dating yourself. Show up as your perfect person, as your own partner. Make a commitment to yourself, maybe take yourself out on a date, or commit fully to yourself for one week at a time or one month or one season. See how it feels when you put yourself first. Treat yourself to romantic date nights, fun activities, yummy meals, and quality time. Speak kindly to yourself through letters, talking to yourself in the mirror, or simply in your own head. Say “no” to everyone else, but “yes” to the one person you will absolutely never ever live without, yourself.