The Joy of Solitude

Throughout my life, I have hardly ever been alone. My brother was born when I was 364 days old, and since then, I’ve always had a companion. First him, then various friendships, boyfriends, a husband, a “partner,” but now for the first time in my life I’m discovering the joy and the absolute necessity of being alone. 

Why is it so important to be alone? In solitude, you discover yourself. You learn about your essence, your authenticity, who you “really” are… AND THEN, you learn to absolutely love that soul unconditionally. You eventually discover that you are your own best friend, favorite companion, favorite person in the world. It helps you put yourself first, prioritize your own needs, and figure out how best you shine. I never realized how shiny and bright I actually am until I spent intentional time alone. 

This quote from a book I’m currently reading really resonated with me. The book is called Anam Cara written by John O’Donohue:

“Solitude is one of the most precious things in the human spirit. It is different from loneliness. When you are lonely, you become acutely conscious of your own separation. Solitude can be a homecoming to your own deepest belonging. One of the lovely things about us as individuals is the incommensurable in us. In each person, there is a point of absolute nonconnection with everything else and with everyone. This is fascinating and frightening. It means that we cannot continue to seek outside ourselves for the things we need from within. The blessings for which we hunger are not to be found in other places or people. These gifts can only be given to you by yourself. They are at home at the hearth of your soul.”

Here are my favorite experiences (so far) in solitude: 

Attending a Michigan Football Game

I was initially so excited to show my ex this part of my life. This maize and blue vein that's a deep part of who I am. The Big House is incredible, and I was stoked to show that part of my history and upbringing to the person I loved most . Unfortunately, I was dumped just a few weeks before the game, which was incredibly disappointing. There was a small part of me that wasn’t sure if I wanted to go alone. I reached out to several friends, my parent’s friends, and even some acquaintances. Alas, no one was able to go with me, so I either had to not go at all or go alone. Going alone ended up being a HUGE gift.  It wasn't about sharing the experience with someone else. I often say, “your presence is my favorite present” because time and space is truly my favorite gift to receive from others. But this was truly the first time I had given myself my favorite present - my own time, attention, and presence. I truly had the time of my life, and I owed it all to me. You can read more about my experience back at the Big House HERE. 

Going to a Concert

Seeing live music is one of my all-time favorite ways to feed my bliss. Dancing to live improvisational music is my absolute favorite way to express myself creatively. My concert memories are STACKED with incredible experiences with other people. Whether that’s a significant other or a group of friends, there’s something about seeing live music with the people you love that strengthens your connection to each other, creates lasting memories, amplifies your bond. But, what happens when tickets go on sale and you have no one to go with you? Do you forgo the experience completely? 

I’ve had several experiences since my divorce where I attended a concert completely alone. Most notable was King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard in Chicago summer of 2023, Buckethead in the fall of 2023, and then Phish in Seattle April of 2025. Sometimes it’s hard to find people who like the same music as you… but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enjoy the show! There’s something so magical about being alone because you don’t have to worry about saving space for a big group, and if you don’t like your spot you simply move without having to check in with anyone or tell them where you are going. It’s also fun to have these momentous experiences with the music, the crowd, and the Divine Spirit completely on your own. Shared experiences with friends and lovers are great, but what about shared experiences with yourself and only you? 

Buckethead & King Gizz!!!! (2023)

After having the first two experiences alone at a show, I decided to purposefully go to the two Seattle Phish shows alone. I was recently single (again!) but could have easily gone with friends, however, I decided it would be a good thing for me to go out of my comfort zone and do something a little scary. Phish is a BIG concert (20,000+ people) but thankfully I had floor tickets, which makes being single even easier! A friend I met in Mexico saw me walking around, called me over, and told me there was enough dancing room with her and her friends! What a joy to have a safe space already secured for me SUPER close to the stage. Through that experience, I met brand new friends who have become very important people in my life. It’s amazing who you end up meeting by venturing off on your own. Groups of friends are fun, but sometimes that can keep us stuck. In a way, it prevents us from meeting new people and seeing how the Universe puts new connections in our path. New connections often launch us into a new timeline, into a new version of self. Therefore, separating from the “crew” and going off on your own could be a great way to see who your next connections are for the next version of you. 

A walk in a park pre-show & my show-ready outfit mirror selfie to show the besties!

Celebrating my Birthday 

Okay, this is a big one for me… Remember, my brother was born when I was 364 days old, meaning I celebrated my FIRST birthday with him in the hospital room when he was born. Since then, we celebrated every single birthday of ours together until we were about 22. After that, I always had a partner to celebrate with, and made a very big deal out of my birthday each year. I wanted to make sure all my favorite people were with me and that we always did something fun (aka, what I wanted to do). Whether my actual birthday was spent with friends, at a concert, at a nice dinner, or on a trip, I was never alone. I always had at least one person (whichever partner I was with at the time) with me to sing and help me celebrate my favorite holiday. 

This year, being single for the first time in my adult life on my birthday seemed like a great opportunity to venture out of my comfort zone and purposefully spend it alone. I did speak on the phone to a few people (my parents, grandparents, siblings, and close friends), and my absolute best girlfriend's face timed me at night to sing me “happy birthday” which was incredibly sweet and unexpected. However, I managed to go the entire day without physically seeing another human being. It was, by far, one of my favorite birthdays to date. I took my little dog on an epic 6.6-mile hike and cooked myself a FABULOUS home cooked dinner (mashed garlic rosemary potatoes, green beans, and ribs PLUS a chocolate lava cake). As luck would have it, I didn’t even see anyone on my hike, so I truly got to spend the entire day alone. And, it felt GOOD. Showing myself that I am all I need, even on an historically important holiday, meant so much to myself and to my growth. 

Snaps from my hike & the big lava reveal for my homemade birthday cake!

I’m learning that I can be perfectly happy, even happier, alone. I don’t need anyone else to accompany me to a sports game, a concert, or to spend time with me on a holiday. I am my own best friend. I am my own most important person. I am learning to truly KNOW that I am enough, as is, without having to change anything. And that knowledge will serve me for the rest of my life as an independent person who can find total and complete happiness and wholeness by myself.